In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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