I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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