I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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