nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize