I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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