Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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