The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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