i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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