Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I wish my penis had an off switch
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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