last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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