I smell stomach acid.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize