My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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