hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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