Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
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You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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