I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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