My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize