I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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