Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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