dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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