She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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