I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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