Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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