I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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