yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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