I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize