Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize