i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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