I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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