So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize