Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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