im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize