I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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