His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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