I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize