I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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