If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i dont even know how to be here
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
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It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
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I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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