I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
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I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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