Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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