STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
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fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
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He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize