He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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