It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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