oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize