Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize