i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please don't give away my fajitas
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