i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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