you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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