peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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