He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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