You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
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Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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