I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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